Journal intime du 26 avril

Je commence à peine à m'aimer. Je déteste avoir cette sensation d'être certain qu'ils vont tricher. C'est bien sûr. Mon Daddy a payé pour se débarrasser de moi. 

Je ne dis pas cela pour me plaindre. C'est que je cherche une façon de gérer tout ce qui vient avec la sensation. 

À quoi bon vivre. Être soi-même, c'est déjà difficile. Lorsque ton propre père te livre dans un autre pays, à des personnes qui te font peur.

C'est un peu toujours ça la vie. Cela ne m'a pas empêché d'essayer. Au bout du compte, j'ai toujours perdu quand je considère le monde actuel.

J'ai été abusé par des milliers de personnes.

En roulant vers Montparnasse, je me suis dit : tiens, tu as choisi cette vie, où tu es trahi par ton père pour te rendre méfiant de tous ceux qu'ils veulent te trahir, nommément la société tout entière. C'est l'espèce humaine qui m'a abandonné incluant moi-même. Quel cafard !

 Ça prend 12 jours pour changer une habitude. Dès que j'ai à me battre contre l'abus, je deviens en colère. Je souhaite que cette attitude disparaisse et fasse place au calme. 

Calme dedans me parle de responsabilité et je me reproche de ne pas contester, alors que je n'ai pas envie de payer le prix des mois de scénarisation qui s'ensuivraient. 

"Hé ! C'est quoi ton hostie de problème là "? Voici le genre de réplique qui me vient en tête quand je m'imagine devant le juge. À monsieur et madame sans titre d'autorité, ça n'a pas de conséquences légales, mais l'autoruté est tellement sensible que le simple fait de demander qu'on nous laisse terminer notre propos, est considéré comme de l'agressivité. Dans le fond, l'argumentaire de l'autorité est tout aussi limité que ma façon de m'exprimer. Le pire, c'est que je ne parle pas comme ça. Je pense comme ça.

"Ouais, change-les partout les hosties de guillemets français." Ça, c'est quand ce correcteur en ligne remplace le guillemet anglais de fin de phrase sans changer en même temps celui du début.

Je suis mal engueulé en moi-même. Les reproches à l'autorité, viennent si souvent dans ma tête et mon cœur, que pour révéler tout ce que j'en ai à dire, il faudrait cinq cents mots et l'on ne m'en laisse jamais placer plus d'une dizaine. Je panique.

C'est l'enfant de trois ans que l'on arrache du manteau de son père qui l'abandonne dans un orphelinat... J'allais dire "au frère de sa femme", mais cette Rita, n'apparaissait qu'une fois dans les photos de famille. Il est curieux que ce sujet, l'histoire de Rita, n'ait jamais été abordé.

Hypothèse, elle a été violée par l'un de ses frères. Puis eux, les deux frères, ont immigré au Canada et elle n'a pas été capable... (Synchronicité : un passant militaire en rouge). Ti-gars a été dans l'armée. Hector, personne, n'en a jamais parlé.

Militaire, ça colle avec le pilote (Dover, Delaware) dont le prénom est probablement Howard.

Là est la confusion initiale. Toute ma confusion sans compter la difficulté structurelle de la langue.

Je me sens toujours bousculé. (Synchronicité : 2ᵉ appel entrant 1-431-XXXX personne au bout de la ligne). 

Je passe beaucoup de temps à me reprocher de ne pas faire ce que je crois que l'on veut me faire faire. 

Je me sens devenir fou (famille) (Synchronicité : le mime militaire encore).

J'ai été conçu le 6 aout 1945, le jour même du largage de Little Boy sur Hiroshima. La vie était dure pour chacun et acharné au Royaume-Uni.

Je me suis demandé quel était le lien avec Rita Bourget. J'ai aussi trouvé ceci. "Surnommé Alouette, l'escadron fut formé le 22 juin 1942 à Yorkshire en Angleterre. Constituant alors le premier escadron canadien-français, il participe à 287 bombardements et remporte plus de 190 décorations pendant la Seconde Guerre mondiale et est dissout à la suite du conflit."

Il devient donc légitime de penser que Rita, ma mère, aurait rencontré ce Howard ou Edward, pilote américain qu'elle aurait suivi dans le Connecticut après la guerre. Ainsi, mes traits physiques seraient dus à Rita, qui est des Bourget. Ce qui colle avec l'histoire du grand-père venu du Connecticut.

https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/425e_Escadron_d%27appui_tactique

The Lockheed F-94 Starfire was a first-generationjet powered all-weather, day/night interceptor of the United States Air Force. A twin-seat craft, it was developed from the Lockheed T-33 Shooting Star trainer in the late 1940s. It reached operational service in May 1950 with Air Defense Command, replacing the piston-engined North American F-82 Twin Mustang in the all-weather interceptor role.

189/98/76 16 h 14 16 mai 2022

Probablement mon vrai "Daddy". Il n'aurait donc pas épousé Rita, ce qui ferait expliquerait potentiellement l'orphelinat en 1949...

Zach T Stanborough Save To Ancestry

World War II · US Army · Captain

Biography of Zach T. Stanborough

++Lt. Col. Zachariah T. STANBOROUGH++ was born in New Orleans, Louisiana, to Thomas Stanborough of Australia and Catherine Johnson Stanborough of New Orleans. The oldest of three children, he had a sister, Thelma Rita Stanborough Blalock, and a brother, Thomas William Stanborough. Zach was an active youth, playing football for his school and becoming one of the first young men in the New Orleans area to be awarded the rank Eagle Scout by the Boy Scouts of America. Zach was often looked to as the "man of the house" while his father was serving as a Ship's Master, frequently away at sea. The family moved to Metairie (still within the New Orleans metropolitan area) in 1924, purchasing a home on Metairie Heights. This home remained in the Stanborough family until 2006, when it was demolished after Hurricane Katrina.

Zach took his exit exams for Metairie High School early, graduating in 1932. He obtained a Seaman's Protection Certificate and began working as a "wiper" aboard international sailing ships for Lykes Brothers in October 1932. Within a few years, Zach knew that the life of a sailor was not for him, and he accepted new employment as a "materials man" with Avondale Shipyard in New Orleans. He was still working for the shipyard when war broke out. However, his time traveling the globe had definitely ignited a wanderlust!

During World War II, Zach first planned on staying home to assist his mother. His father was already serving in the Merchant Marine, his sister was already working for the Army Air Corps, and his brother was already stationed with the Navy aboard the U.S.S. Arizona prior to the attack on Pearl Harbor (see notes at the bottom of this bio). But, Zach soon realized he could not remain out of the conflict, and he enlisted in the U.S. Army Air Corps on March 28, 1942.

After graduating from training as a bomber pilot, Zach was assigned to active duty in May 1943 and sent to Horham, England (East Anglia region). He initially served as a B-17 Co-Pilot with the 95th Bomb Group, predominantly with the 336th and 412th Squadrons of the 8th Air Force. After more advanced training, Zach served as a Command Pilot. In this role, Zach was in command of the bomber group, flying in the lead plane in formation as they entered the combat zone. It was extremely unusual for a pilot of Zach's experience and rank to be appointed to Command Pilot, and this status is truly a testament to his skill and mettle.

Zach flew 22 combat missions and 4 relief missions (operating over Nazi-occupied Germany, France, Norway, Belgium, Holland, Poland and Czechoslovakia). Flying in a B-17 was extremely dangerous work, with a shockingly high mortality rate. Statistically, the average life expectancy of a pilot or co-pilot in the 8th Air Force was 12-14 missions; tail gunners and ball turret gunners had an average life expectancy of only 4 missions. However, the planes that Zach piloted beat these odds significantly, with only 1 injury and 0 fatalities among his crew mates over 26 missions.

Zach was discharged from active duty in June 1945, having achieved the rank of Captain. He continued to serve his country in the U.S. Air Force Reserve for the next 30 years, retiring as a Lieutenant Colonel. Zach's military awards include: Distinguished Flying Cross, Air Medal with 3 Oak Leaf Clusters, three Presidential Unit Citations, European Theater of Operations Medal with 7 battle stars, Victory Europe Medal, American Defense Medal, and U.S. Air Force Reserve Medal.

Following the war, Zach first returned to Metairie. He tried a number of commercial ventures during his lifetime, including running a flight service, selling and installing miniblinds, operating a sandwich shop, developing real estate, and more. It was this dabbling that brought him to Shreveport, Louisiana, for a real estate venture, where he met his future bride, Juanita Harrison. Together, they returned to Metairie, where Zach started building houses in a large field on the outskirts of Metairie. This area was soon to be known as the neighborhood of Bonnabel. He selected the spot with the highest elevation, and there he built his home (1900 Feronia Street), where he lived for the remainder of his life. The home survived Hurricane Katrina, with Zach inside it because he refused to evacuate! However, it did not survive the swarms of termites that came after the storm and literally ate the home out from under him. Sadly, this home was also sold and demolished.

Zach was unable to have children due to complications from the mumps he contracted while serving in Horham. But, he and his wife Juanita led a very active life and were beloved by their nieces and nephews. They traveled frequently, both abroad and in the U.S. They made numerous trips to the Pacific regions, always stopping over to visit the memorial for Zach's brother, Tommy, who died in the Solomon Sea during World War II. Another frequent destination was Australia, to visit Stanborough relatives. They also attended several of the reunions for the 95th Bomb Group over the years. Zach was colorful and boisterous, loved or hated by all who knew him (there was no middle ground!). He was fiercely devoted to his family and eagerly served as the family historian.

Zach was active with a number of organizations at various times, including serving with his wife as a guide for Youth Tours throughout Europe and serving as an elder with Metairie Ridge Presbyterian Church. Zach also worked with the Veterans of Foreign Wars, helping to establish the Thomas W. Stanborough Post No. 4275 in Metairie, in honor of his brother. He was a member of National Sojourners, Air Force Association, Retired Officers Association, Disabled American Veterans #33 of Metairie, and Past President of Metairie High School Alumni Association. With the Masonic Lodge, Zach was Past Master of Ideal Lodge #367 F&AM and Dual Member of Metairie Lodge #444 F&AM; Past Patron of Rob Morris Chapter No. 1, O.E.S. and Germania Chapter 190, O.E.S.; Degree Master and New Orleans Scottish Rite Bodies 32nd Degree; and Royal Order of Scotland.

A funeral and religious services were held at Tharp-Sontheimer-Tharp Funeral Home in Metairie, Louisiana, with military honors and interment at Greenwood Cemetery in New Orleans.

Other members in Zach's family who served during World War II include his sister, Thelma Stanborough Blalock (a civilian employee with the Army Air Corps); his brother, Thomas William Stanborough (in the Navy, a survivor of the U.S.S. Arizona, later died in the Solomon Sea); his father, ++Thomas Stanborough++ (a naturalized American who served as Ship's Master for the Merchant Marine, sunk by U-158 in the Gulf of Mexico); his brother-in-law, Dennis Ferrell Blalock (an infantry commander with the Army); and numerous cousins.

---Biography researched and written by Evelyn Park Blalock

Missions with 95th Bomb Group - Zach T. Stanborough

7/10/1943 Le Bourget (France) - Combat Sortie - CoPilot of 42-5918 - Heavenly Daze (B-17F with 336, F.J.Regan crew, 1/27 planes lost, 2/27 damaged, overall result for mission: fair)

7/14/1943 Le Bourget (France) - Combat Sortie - CoPilot of 42-5918 - Heavenly Daze (B-17F with 336, F.J.Regan crew, 0/22 planes lost, 12/22 damaged, overall result for mission: fair)

7/24/1943 Trondheim (Norway) - Combat Sortie - CoPilot of 42-5918 - Heavenly Daze (B-17F with 336, F.J.Regan crew, 0/23 planes lost, 0/23 damaged, overall result for mission: excellent)

7/25/1943 Kiel (Warnemunde) (Germany) - Combat Sortie - CoPilot of 42-5918 - Heavenly Daze (B-17F with 336, F.J.Regan crew, 1/27 planes lost, 7/27 damaged, overall result for mission: good)

8/12/1943 Bonn (Wesseling) (Germany) - Combat Sortie - CoPilot of 42-30161 - Cuddle Cat (B-17F with 336, L.B.Palmer crew, 2/23 planes lost, 9/23 damaged, overall result for mission: poor to good)

9/15/1943 Paris (Billancourt) (France) - Combat Sortie - CoPilot of 42-30167 - Destiny's Tot (B-17F with 336, L.B.Palmer crew, 1/23 planes lost, 0/23 damaged, overall result for mission: excellent)

10/4/1943 Hanau (Germany) - Combat Sortie - CoPilot of 42-30255 - Lonesome Polecat II (B-17F with 412, D.H.Merten crew, 1/24 planes lost, 1/24 damaged, overall result for mission: poor)

10/8/1943 Bremen (Germany) - Combat Sortie - CoPilot of 42-30226 - Spook V (B-17F with 336, D.H.Merten crew, 0/23 planes lost, 16/23 damaged, overall result for mission: good)

10/9/1943 Marienburg (Germany) - Combat Sortie - CoPilot of 42-30226 - Spook V (B-17F with 336, D.H.Merten crew, 1/23 planes lost, 3/23 damaged, overall result for mission: very good)

* * ADVANCED COMMAND TRAINING * *

10/28/1944 Hamm (Germany) - Combat Sortie - CoPilot of 42-97257 - Knock-Out Baby! (B-17G with 412, T.G.Bek crew, 0/38 planes lost, 1/38 damaged, overall result for mission: unknown)

1/6/1945 Germersheim (Germany) - Combat Sortie - Command Pilot in 42-97961 - Excelsior / Kurchow (B-17G with 336, C.L.Savage crew, 0/23 planes lost, 1/23 damaged, overall result for mission: good)

2/9/1945 Weimar (Germany) - Combat Sortie - Command Pilot in 44-8179 - Yankee Wolf (B-17G with 334, C.R.Stotesbury crew, 0/38 planes lost, 0/38 damaged, overall result for mission: very good)

2/21/1945 Nuremburg (Germany) - Combat Sortie - Command Pilot in 44-8364 (B-17G with 335, L.W.Jensen crew, 0/38 planes lost, 1/38 damaged, overall result for mission: very good)

2/25/1945 Munich (Germany) - Combat Sortie - Command Pilot in 44-8782 (B-17G with 412, D.V.Abwender crew, 4/38 planes lost, 24/38 damaged, overall result for mission: good)

2/26/1945 Berlin (Germany) - Combat Sortie - Command Pilot in 44-8782 (B-17G with 412, D.L.Pearson crew, 0/31 planes lost, 0/31 damaged, overall result for mission: unknown)

3/4/1945 Ulm (Germany) - Combat Sortie - Command Pilot in 44-8782 (B-17G with 334, D.V.Abwender crew, 1/38 planes lost, 7/38 damaged, overall result for mission: unknown)

3/19/1945 Jena (Germany) - Combat Sortie - Command Pilot in 44-8210 - Sweetheart of Seattle (B-17G with 335, H.B.Thomas crew, 1/44 planes lost, 0/44 damaged, overall result for mission: poor)

3/23/1945 Unna (Germany) - Combat Sortie - Command Pilot in 44-8667 (B-17G with 335, R.M.Brown crew, 0/38 planes lost, 2/38 damaged, overall result for mission: good)

4/3/1945 Kiel (Germany) - Combat Sortie - Command Pilot in 44-8782 (B-17G with 412, L.W.Jensen crew, 0/38 planes lost, 6/38 damaged, overall result for mission: fair)

4/4/1945 Kiel (Germany) - Combat Sortie - Command Pilot in 44-8179 - Yankee Wolf (B-17G with 335, L.G.Oehlert crew, 1/38 planes lost, 26/38 damaged, overall result for mission: good)

4/10/1945 Burg (Germany) - Combat Sortie - Command Pilot in 44-8667 (B-17G with 334, E.R.Parrish crew, 0/38 planes lost, 10/38 damaged, overall result for mission: fair)

4/18/1945 Straubing (Germany) - Combat Sortie - Command Pilot in 44-8782 (B-17G with 336, M.Trbovich crew, 0/29 planes lost, 0/29 damaged, overall result for mission: very good)

5/6/1945 CHOWHOUND 5 (Utrecht) (Netherlands) - Humanitarian (Food Drop) - Command Pilot in 44-8548 (B-17G with 336, G.I.Ray crew, overall result for mission: excellent)

3 additional humanitarian missions over liberated Europe -- No mission or crew reports exist for these final missions, which included food drops as well as transporting liberated prisoners and displaced persons from Austria to France and England.

Oups! Je viens de découvrir une archive britannique avec la même photo et où l'on peut lire ceci "Zach was unable to have children due to complications from the mumps he contracted while serving in Horham." Mais quelque chose cloche...